A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
