I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
