it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
