If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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