How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
