Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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