oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
