sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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