I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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