what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
