Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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