I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
