Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
