So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
