Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
