Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
