i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
