Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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