Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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