peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
