My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
