if only i could text you this smell
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
