God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
