I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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