the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
