i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
