How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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