what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She has the best kind of daddy issues
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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