Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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