Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
