Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
