New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
