NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
