actually, I'm a sock model
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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