Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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