What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize