Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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