I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
