I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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