is your mom at the bar?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why can't burritos get me drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
