I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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