Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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