best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
