am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
