So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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