This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
