Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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