In the future we'll all be gay
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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