I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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