I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
