we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
