Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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