JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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