A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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