I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
