my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
