I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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