just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
