Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
vagina is talking i cant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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