...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
