so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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