i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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