How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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