Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
