he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My dick has a subreddit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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