did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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