I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
