I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
