Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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