I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
