I wish I could teleport
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
